Over 100 of the Best Political Dad Jokes | Political Humor

 A List of the Best Political Dad Jokes

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Best Dad Jokes

- Who would you have if you crossed a gorilla with the 16th president of the United States. Ape Lincoln.

- Why does Mississippi see so many voters at the polls? Because it has 4 eyes.

- What are politically enthusiastic Robins known for? Early Voting

- How can you tell that communism is a doomed form of government? Look at all the red flags.

- What happened when Ben Franklin told a joke to the Liberty Bell? It cracked it up.

- Why did George Washington have trouble falling asleep? Because he couldn’t lie.

- What kind of limb did the candidate for president go on? An executive branch

- What did the corrupt senator order on election day? Stuffed ballots.

- What grows longer every election year? The branches of government.

- Where did the politician take his wife for something sweet? On a candydate

- Where can children vote? In swing states

- What is the capital of Alaska? Don’t Juneau this one?

- What do you call an argument between a politician and one of his donors? A conflict of interest.

- What US state gives out tiny drinks to voters? Mini-soda.

- Why did the county legislator fall asleep? He was one of the Bored Members.

- How hot was it in Arizona this summer? It was so hot that people were sweating like a politician on election day.

- What’s the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball, you’re called out if you’re caught stealing.

- What sport did the politician want to learn? How to Ballot Box

- What’s the biggest problem with political jokes? Too many of them get elected.

- Who made it take so long to cast votes in Pennsylvania this year? Philly Buster

- Why was Evel Knievel criticized for jumping his motorcycle over the polling station? It was a politically motivated stunt.

- What did they say when they saw Abraham Lincoln in line at the polling place? You look great for your age!

- Why did the boy vote for the bicycle? He liked how he spoke.

- Why couldn’t the spaghetti vote in this district? He was an impasta.

- Which country gets crowded with Americans on election day? Poland – because we are told to go to the polls.

- What is an October surprise to kids? When they get full-size candy bars trick-or-treating on Halloween.

- I was told that when Mohammed Ali went to vote, he used PUNCH card ballots…

- My friend Chad was going to cast a vote, but he just wasn’t cut out do it…

- My grandmother was upset she couldn’t vote for the candidate listed on the yard signs in her neighborhood. Apparently, “House For Sale” wasn’t on her ballot…

- The opposite of “pro” is “con,” so the opposite of progress is … Congress.

- How many congressmen does it take to change a light bulb? Two—one to change the bulb and one to change it back again.

- What’s the difference between death and taxes? Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

- Why can’t Congress ever be vegan? Because all the turkeys playing chicken in a beef over pork is pretty fishy.

- What did the corrupt congressman order on Election Day? Stuffed ballots.

- What do you call a bad lawyer? Senator.

- Why can’t you let a politician on a plane? Because he’ll keep trying to destroy the other wing.

- How are politicians like diapers? They both need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

- Why do thieves never target politicians’ homes? Professional courtesy.

- Why isn’t the government displaying a Nativity scene this Christmas? They can’t find three wise men.

- When a president says he stands on his record, he means that literally—to keep you from checking it.

- Have you heard about McDonald’s new presidential value meal? You order whatever you want, and the person after you has to pay for it.

- If Chuck Norris were president, he’d protect the Secret Service.

- Stop repeat criminals—don’t reelect them!

- What’s the most unfair thing about American politics? We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America.

- What is the difference between Thanksgiving Day and Election Day? On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for a day, but on Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.

- Why are robins the best bird voters? They’re all about early voting!

- Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

- The word politics comes from poly, meaning many, and ticks, meaning bloodsucking parasites.

- Congressman should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.

- A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don't know where I am." "You're at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies. "You must be a Democrat." "I am. How did you know?" "Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've been no help." "You must be a Republican." "Yes. How did you know?" "You've risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn't keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

- People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

- How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning? All the red flags.

- Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

- America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

- If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

- Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!” George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!” Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?

- The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

- The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!

- I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

- Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

- The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera.

- They should build the wall with Hillary's emails because nobody can get over them.

- I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.

- Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up. Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron? Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.

- What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100? Your Honor. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Senator.

- Whats the difference between a politician and a snail? One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

- After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."

- Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

- Politics is the most accurate word in the English language. Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.

- Why can't Trump go to White house anymore? It’s For Biden. 

- We get 50 choices for Miss America but only two for president. They get elected for president.

- What’s the problem with political jokes? They get elected for president.

- Which U.S. president got the job online? Abraham LinkedIn.

- Which U.S. president starred in sci-fi movies? Ronald Ray Gun.

- Why was Herbert Hoover the best president? He gave a dam.

- In what state was George Washington born? Naked and crying, just like the rest of us.

- How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They are supposed to keep the president in the dark.

- Want to hear a politically incorrect joke? President Ben Franklin walked into a bar…

- How did the elves get Bilbo Baggins elected for president? By using propa-Gandalf.

- How can you tell the difference between a president and an actor? One leads the land, while the other lands the lead.

- Which president holds the record for the shortest term? Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty-second president.

- What did Franklin D. Roosevelt say after he dropped his pickle? “I want a new dill.”

- What was the one issue the presidential candidate couldn’t overcome? Gerrymandering was where he drew the line.

- Which U.S. presidents were the greenest? The Bushes.

- Which U.S. president bought the most gasoline? Millard Fillmore.

- What is the rarest mythical creature? A presidential candidate who is honest, smart and electable.

- Why did the 38th president dine and dash? He couldn’t a-Ford-it.

- What is Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barackoli.

- Why weren’t dogs allowed at the White House from 1989 to 1993? The Secret Service was worried they’d chase the Quayles and pee on the Bushes.

- Which one of Washington’s generals had the best sense of humor? Laugh-ayette.

- What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the 16th U.S. president? Ape Lincoln.

- Who is in charge of the kitchen remodel at the White House? The president’s Cabinet.

- What do you call George Washington’s false teeth? Presidentures!

- How do you tell the difference between a presidential candidate and a chemistry professor? Ask them to read this word aloud: unionized.

- Why did Barack Obama take all the writing instruments with him when he left the Oval Office? Because Donald Trump was bringing his own Pence.

- What computer code should you use to write a song for a presidential candidate? The Al Gore rhythm.

- What did the President say when he lost his notes before addressing the country? Nothing. He was speechless.

- What should you do if Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson and Roosevelt all get poison ivy? Rename it Mount Rashmore.

- Which president’s wife had to do the most laundry? Mrs. Washington.

- Why did the president of the cheese company run for president of the United States? So she could make America grate again.

- What would Thomas Jefferson be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old!

- Who was the least guilty American president? Lincoln. He’s in a cent.

- Why did the child decide he wanted to be president? Because he heard that politics was full of parties.

- Where does the president get his hair cut? Budget Cuts.

- Did you hear about the guy running for president with no body? They say he’s ahead in the polls.

- Did you know our 13th president was a duck? They called him Mallard Fillmore.

- Why did the quarter run for president? So he could have a platform based on change.

- Boy: Hey, Dad, what was the 37th president’s favorite basketball team? Father: The Knicks, son.

- Why did the 16th president always wear sunglasses outside? Because he was always a-blinkin’.

- Where did the Founding Fathers sign the Declaration of Independence? At the bottom.

- How do you make the president laugh? Challenge him to a poli-tickle debate.

Current President Dad Jokes

Joe Biden

(Remember it's just a joke, lol) 

- Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open 17 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from

- What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room? "Smell ya later!"

- What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common? Neither of them respect boundaries

- Joe Biden walks into a bar and sees a pretty, young blonde chick. He sits down next to her and says "So, do I come here often?

- What's the best thing about being Joe Biden? Waking up every day and learning that you're the president

- Joe Biden had a meeting with the Cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

- Joe Biden's Least Favorite Song? Stairway to Heaven

- Joe Biden is a Jack of all trades. Apparently he has his fingers in many pies.

- Why does joe Biden use a Mac? Because apparently he doesn’t want you to have windows.

- What healthy item does Joe Biden enjoy eating? Forbiden fruit

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